patch

My turn to have a little rant... but

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Here's my story or  my rant.  When I was kid or a beginner drummer all I had was sticks and a pad,  Till one day my grandmother invited me up to her house as she had something for me.  It was a snare drum.  I was so freaking excited, I had something to  use other then a block of wood with some rubber on it.  The drum was a very very crappy drum, sounded like crap, looked like crap.  But it was given to me and I cleaned it up gave it some loving care and made it work.  it was awesome.  

 

Now I wish to pave it forward and maybe make this a tradition and I have just the perfect person in mind.   My grandmother's son (My Uncle) has son  (my cousin) who has a son (what's that a cousin once removed) ---- did you follow that?  haah----  anyways he started learning how play drums last year.  So here I am, I have this old snare that I no longer use and as said  think that it would be really cool to pass on the gesture to the boy.  So I FB my cousin and ask if his son is still playing and is enjoying.  He writes back yes, so I tell him how our grandmother gave me his father's snare drum so even though I can't give that snare back as I no longer  have it, I do  have one I'd like to give to him.  My cousin is excited thanks me, tells me  how excited his son will be, but never comes and gets the drum. 

 

 This past weekend I'm invited to a birthday party for his sister's 1 year old baby.  I think great I'll be able to finally give this boy the snare.  we put it in the car and head out.  We get there, I see my cousin, I tell  him I have the snare drum, he says great looks for his son, he's off playing and I just hand the snare off to him.    Later on in the party, I see the boy and walk up to him and ask him if he's still playing is he having fun all that stuff.  He says yes and has a big smile on  his face.  I say cool.  Then there's a gift for you in the your dad's truck.  Eyes grow big..  I say I can tell you know what it is.  He says yea a drum set.  I smile back and say..  no, it's not a set, but it's a snare drum.  He says it's not a set of drums.  I said no it's just a snare,  he says, but I want a whole set.  I'm like well it's a start right, He said well I don't want just one, I want a set,  I said well it's more then what you have now correct and if you really don't want the snare just say so and i'll take it back home.  he then turned and ran.  

 

Before we left I told his father that I told him.  He's father said great did he say thank you.  I said no he was upset that I didn't give him an entire kit.  Father says what does he want.   I'm like a whole kit.  my cousin says I know but I want him to say thank you.  I just shrugged my shoulders as my ride was leaving, I had to go.   

 

 here's the thing...  I know I'm old and old school.  I'm not ashamed of that.  I also know or at least it feels that these days a beginning drummer is on the drumset from the very start unlike when I started where you had nothing but a drum pad, and wasn't till  I was in high school before I was allowed to move onto a set.  I guess I'm just like...  I get it, understand times change but where is the appreciation.  His family lives pay check to pay check.  They don't have the money to buy him a snare never minds a couple hundred dollar kit.  So why can't you just say Thank you and be happy.  Why do I have to feel like my gift wasn't good enough.  I'm glad I gave him the drum.  I still think it was the right thing to do.  just I wish I never talked to the kid..  I would have just gone home thinking he was as exited I was those many years ago...  but UGH!!!

 

sorry for the rant...  

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Not a rant but a sad reflection of where society is now.  I want it all and I want it now.  I don't want to have to earn it I want someone to give it to me.

 

Hopefully his parents will talk to him and teach him the value of the things that matter, like being grateful for any gifts you get and the pleasure to be gained from working hard to get or achieve what you want in life.

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I believe he's in 6th grade. So that would make him about 11 or 12. Old enough to know how to appreciate something. I'm going fb my cousin In a couple of days if the kid is still that disappointed I'm going to offer to drive up to the house and pick the drum back up and bring it back home.

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Basic etiquette:  Be Polite.  Kids make mistakes, but he is old enough to understand basic politeness. 

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Any 11 or 12 year old that cant say "Please" and "Thank you"  needs a serious talking to.

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Lovely idea, Becky, and all credit to you for thinking of it.  But I think I wouild have given up at the point where your cousin didn't come over to pick up the snare like he said he would.  I don't think his behaviour at the party was all that good either - he could have made the effort to find his son when you spoke to him, or to bring him over to you at some point to thank you.

 

I know I can't really judge the people involved from your post, but my initial reaction was that it was your cousin that was lacking in the manners department.  And if that's the case, then there's not much hope for his son's manners.

 

Apologies if I've got it completely wrong. 

 

I can imagine how you feel though.  Not nice.

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I'm going to wait enough time for a thank you note to come in the mail and then I'm going to facebook  his father a message and tell him that if his son is still upset over receiving just a snare to let me know and  I'll be up to pick it back up and bring it back home.  

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Hi Patch,

I bet your feelings were hurt, I was upset for you just from reading that..

I was super lucky to be given my first set up ( you know the story)

Even though looking back it was old a bit broken down and didn't match, I LOVED it, and I still say thank you for starting me off to Shaun, who gave me it, and it is 6 years ago!

I am a bit embarrased to say, but  some kids, i have seen on fb/tv, who have an amazing kit, who can't really play!  I think I would LOVE to have that kit!! what is a kid just starting out doing on a kit like that?

but I am happy with mine, and the bits that may be old, and given to me, are special!

 

I hope you get the thank you, or if I were you I would ask for it back 

SBD

B)

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You just made my day SBD...  I'd say my "cousin"  (how ever that works..)  the kid is about the same age as you maybe  a little younger, but your reaction is what I expected.  It's what people should have.  I'm betting when you get older and buy a "new" kit... I'm betting at least some of the drums that were given to you, you keep because of the special meaning behind them.  

 

I did contact his dad and asked him if his son was still disappointed and if he was I will be up to pick the drum back up.  He wrote back.  No he's been extremely happy with it and has been playing every night.  Then the father said "one thing though.  I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS GOING TO BE THAT LOUD..., I'm going to have to buy I him those paint brush looking ones ,they seem quieter .. LOL"  I'm guessing he means sticks but that kinda makes up for the lack of excitement that day he received it.

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mouse...  sadly no..  His parents have but he has not.    Lesson learned on my end.  It was a great thought, Nice attempt...  but...  

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Becky, you just have to walk away from this one, and take his enthusiasm as thanks.

 

You're not an isolated case.  Before I left a contract I was working on in 2010, I gave a Saturn snare to a work colleague because he was down on his luck and playing a snare that was lower grade than the Saturn.  I left it on his desk one day as he was out of the office, and I was out the next day.  So I was sat at home expecting a "WOW THANKS MATE!!" txt (you call it sms in the USA) and I didn't get one, that was a Friday and all weekend I got nothing, I was slumped.  Monday morning and I had to go to his desk to see if he got it.......... He had, and he thanked me greatly, but I was a bit narked that I had to chase him.

 

I wrote on the inside of the shell.............. "This drum has found its way to you, when it no longer needs you, make sure it goes to someone else who needs it"  i.e. Give it, don't sell it.  I hope he still has it or has given it away to someone who needed it just when he did.

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That's cool Caulkie.  I also hope he either still has it or gave it to someone who needed it.    

I can't speak for all USA   but  err umm  I call my txt    -   txt  not sms.  I have seen Sms on the phone but ha Oh well :)

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I've been there Patch,-with my nephews, so I know your anxciety. Gave the oldest one a small Fender amp and a Fender"Squire" Strat and the youngest a Yamaha Rydeen set of drums avec hat and cymbal.. Nary a thank you until prompted by the parents. This Christmas they are getting socks,maybe with a piece of coal in each. (just so my sister knows)

 Hey, that little Rydeen kit sounds awesome...for a small bop kit!

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been there and done it, although not as a gift to someone. but as a tutor. 

a kid (around 12-13) comes in for his 2nd lesson, expecting to dive straight onto a full size kit, he sees one set up and heads for it, but i say that we're not doing full kit practice yet, we're going to do some pad  exercises,  and he starts kicking up a  fuss  demanding that we use full kit. 

i try to explain calmly that we're going to move to kit soon, but no he's  insistent  and starts moving towards them...to keep the peace i  move onto some kit exercises for him to save time, soon as he gets on them he starts trying to play a metal beat and cant do it, so starts swearing at the drums and at me for him not being able to do it. (at this point i knew it was hopless trying to teach him anything),

 

so i let him carry on hitting them as i call his parents to explain the situation (they can hear him swearing his head off in the background as well as the bashing about), they come down without him knowing and witness him being a downright brat, so they agree that drums arent for him and take him home. 

mouse said it best...most kids these days want it all in one go, laid out for them, no manners and expect everyone to give them what they want. 
 

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I was given a snare when I was.. 10?  ish...   I was so happy to get that thing.  I had just a snare and a pad for sevral years.  When I was 15 I was given a "set".  A kick and a rack tom without a mount.  So I mounted (Read Wedged ) it with my bed and an old golf club.  I had a ride and a crash also.  I played the heck outta that kit.  Kids today are spoiled.  We live in an instant gratification world.  People want everything at once.  They don't want to build something bit by bit.  My kids say please and thank you all the time.  It is a requirement in our house. 

And all over the US it is a text/txt.  I have never used the term SMS.  It is on our phones, but we call it a text.

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i call it  text or txt as well.  Never use the sms thing or I guess word?  and I dislike the use of u to mean you, 2 for two or to  ty for thank you..  really is it that hard to type it out  LOl  guess I'm just old  haaha

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Short Message Service.  SMS is more of a technical protocol term that was part of the original German-French development. 

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